Conflict, Revenge, and Everything of the Sort

Isn’t the Word of God amazing!  There are always new ideas and truths to be found.  As I have been reading through the book of Acts, I have been intrigued with nuances in scripture that reveal details to us, such as when the pronouns used in the book of Acts bounce back and forth between “he and they,” and “we,” suggesting that Luke was present for certain parts of Paul’s ministry, but not for others.  One verse that has really challenged me is Acts 13:48, which reads, “When the Gentiles heard this, they were glad and honored the word of the Lord; and all who were appointed for eternal life believed.”  All who were appointed… Hmm, this verse caused me to revisit certain theological truths that I thought I had settled in my heart.  That, however, is a discussion for another time.  Today, I want to talk about conflict.

           One thing that has always had the potential to damage or even destroy families, relationships, ministries, and even churches is conflict.  Conflict alone is inevitable, but the way with which this conflict is dealt determines whether there is a positive or negative outcome.  We have all been there, whether in a family relationship, a friendship, or as a member of a church.  Someone has said or done something that you do not agree with.  Most times, the first action that you take will determine the course of events, whether helpful or hurtful.

 As a woman, I know that most times, before I pray, or talk to the person, I seek not the advice and wisdom of others, but confirmation that I am right.  I find a yes man to rile me up and tell me that it is ok to be mad and that I should do something about it.  I think it is safe to say that we have all been there.  Who doesn’t like to feel justified?  Who doesn’t like to hear the words, “You’re right.”?  Though men find themselves in this situation at times, I know that as a woman, these situations can be detrimental to conflict resolution on both sides.

 Ladies, if you have a problem with your husband, your sister, your boss, your pastor or your great-aunts third cousin once removed, pray before you talk to anyone!  I could have avoided so many long, drawn-out battles in my life if I had just done this.  This may prove difficult for those of you that are like myself and just need to “vent” to relieve some of that pressure that makes your head feel as though it may explode.  Vent to God.  He knows your thoughts anyway.  You might as well put them into words.  Most times, the next action, if there needs to be one, is to talk to the person with which there is a conflict.  At this point in the process, this person may not even know that you have been hurt or offended at his or her hand.    

Now, ladies on the other side of these “venting” sessions, you may be tempted to fuel the fire with personal stories, especially if the conflict strikes a chord in your heart because you have dealt with it in the past.  I’ve been there too.  Old emotions are dredged up and you suddenly feel as though you are hearing a speech from William Wallace in Braveheart and you are about to take the battlefield for Scottish independence.  The conversation is no longer about the person talking to you.  It is about you being right all over again.  Ladies, in this moment, if you care for the person with whom you are talking, do not make it about you.  Listen, because that is obviously what the person needs in that moment.  Then, your next words could help this person more than you know.  Ask one of two questions.  If the person is a believer, ask genuinely, “Have you prayed about this situation and asked God for advice?”  Whether the answer is yes or no, offer to pray for the person first, rather than give your own advice.  I don’t mean offer to pray for them later, I mean offer to pray for them right then and there.  Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”  Give this person the gift of being the second person to bring in the presence of God.  If the person is not a believer, you could always offer to pray for them, depending on your relationship with them.  Even if you do not pray for them, your first questions should be, “Have you spoken to the person that offended you?”  Most times the answer is “no.” 

I find it interesting to look to scripture to see how conflict was resolved by those entrusted by God to lay the foundations of His church throughout the world.   I want to look at two situations in Acts and how they were handled.

The first situation occurs in Acts 15, when the Pharisees suggest that all new Gentile believers must be circumcised.  Paul and Barnabas could not resolve this on their own so “The apostles and elders met to consider this question.”  After a while, Peter spoke his peace, after which, “The whole assembly became silent as they listened to Barnabas and Paul telling about the signs and wonders God had done among the Gentiles through them.”  They took a break to focus on the wonders of their God, for whom they were doing all of this.  The next person to speak was James, quoting scripture from Amos, pointing the disciples toward truth.  I’m sure that everyone in the room had his own opinion on the matter.  The group as a whole sought after God’s wisdom.  They were given a clear answer and brought that answer to the churches.

The next situation in which there was conflict comes about in Acts 15 as well.  Paul and Barnabas had a disagreement over who to take along with them to the towns in which they had preached the gospel.  Barnabas wanted to take Mark, but Paul felt that it was not a good idea, based on his prior behavior.  Verses 39 – 41 go on to say, “³⁹ They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, ⁴⁰ but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. ⁴¹ He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.”  I think that it is important that scripture tells us of disagreements such as this, but more importantly that it tells us of the resolution.  It does not say, “Paul went to Peter and Peter agreed saying, ‘You’re right.  Mark is a slacker.   You shouldn’t take him anywhere.’”   How often does this happen in our daily lives though?  It also doesn’t say, “Barnabas could not believe what a horrible apostle Paul was and was turned away from the faith because of his stubbornness.”  Scripture tells us that they each chose a partner and parted ways, each setting out to strengthen the churches.  The mission was not lost due to the disagreement!

 Too often in the church, we allow Satan to foil our plans in God’s work due to our disagreements. “The pews should be padded.”  “We should sing four songs instead of five.”  “Drums don’t belong in the church.”  Topics like these stir up disproportionate amounts of gossip, anger and resentment in the church today.  All the while, the mission is falling by the wayside and Satan is rejoicing.  Paul and Barnabas disagreed, even to the point of parting ways, but they continued to fulfill the mission of God.   

One last situation that I want to take a look at has to do with justice and revenge.  Paul and Silas, both Roman citizens, were unlawfully beaten and imprisoned for preaching the gospel.  While in jail, they sang praises to God!  That’s a whole conversation in and of itself about what we do in the face of adversity as believers.  Anyhow, an earthquake caused the shackles to be loosed and all of the prison doors to be opened.  At this point, “The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped.”  Most people would just nod their heads and say, “That’s about right.  You should kill yourself.  You messed with God’s plan.”  But in this instance, by the Holy Spirit alone, Paul does something surprising.  ”But Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!”  He cares more for the soul of that one man than he does for his own justice.  Because of this something miraculous happens.  ”The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. ³⁰ He then brought them out and asked, ‘Sirs, what must I do to be saved?’”   ^34” The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole household.”  What a difference in eternity because Paul was in tune with the Spirit!

I know that we are human.  So were the disciples.  They were not always perfect, but the times in which they looked to God and His Holy Spirit, rather than to themselves, God’s work was accomplished to the fullest.  My prayer is that each of you would seek God first in all conflicts, as to glorify Him in all that you do.

Once was enough.

How many times have you read through the gospels?  There is always something refreshing about hearing the story of Jesus again.  I am astounded at the blaring contrast between the steadfastness of Jesus and the wavering opinions of those around him.  I find it remarkable that the very same crowd of people that yelled,  “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" and threw their cloaks and palm branches at His feet as he rode into town, a week later yelled, "Crucify him!" as Pilate offered to release Jesus.  Jesus's own inner circle was not free of this type of behavior.  Peter cut the ear of a guard arresting Jesus, and denied knowing him just hours later.

The question that comes to mind is "Why?"  Why would these people change their tune so drastically in such a short period of time?  Why would Jesus's own disciple disown him?  I believe that the answer to both questions is the same: Jesus did not come to earth to please men, but to save them.  He could not be what they wanted Him to be and fulfill God's plan.  The people of Jerusalum and Jesus's own disciples could not see Him through the eyes of God, but through their humanity, therefore their expectations of him were very carnal.  They wanted an actual king, a political figure, who would rule with the strength of God, but would fulfill their worldly ideals.

Are we really any different two thousand years later?  As much as any one of us loves God, we have certain expectations of how He should or should not act in our lives.  Children should never get sick.  Loved ones should never die.  We should never have to go through a rough patch if God really loves us.  We may not say these things out loud, but we think this way.  I have heard it all from, "If you have faith, God will answer all of your prayers, no matter what they are" all the way to, "If your prayers were not answered, it must have been the result of some sin that you committed."  Many a person has lost faith traveling down this path of thought. 

I think that it is important that we reflect upon Jesus's promises in scripture in light of what His ultimate goal was.  In John 14:13, Jesus says, "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."  You must read the first part in light of the second part.  He did not say that He would do what ever we asked so that life would be easy.  He said it was for the glory of the Father.  If we truly pray the way that Jesus taught us to, asking that "Thy will be done," we can find peace, whatever the outcome.  Furthermore, sometimes God's answer is "no."  Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12,  "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “ 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' ”  This very same man was beaten, stoned, imprisoned and shipwrecked on more than one occasion.  His faith increased in light of these hardships simply because his life was built around the belief that "to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

I say all of this to get to the point that once was enough.  Jesus should only have to save us once.  He should only be crucified once.  If He did nothing else throughout our entire lives, His salvation is already more than we ever deserved.  He has a love that no man could comprehend, a love that held Him to a cross as he was beaten, mocked, and spat upon, all the while having the power to remove Himself, but refusing to do so.  As Christians, and more specifically as first world Christians, we demand more than salvation! And the most astonishing part is, if we are honest we'll admit that He gives us more.  He gives us laughter, joy, provision, and so much more.  I thank God daily for the salvation that He gave me through Jesus Christ and I ask that He would remind me daily of the cost of that salvation.  Finally, I ask God that He would grant me peace in times that I may feel as though He has not answered my prayers, or has not answered them in the way that I would have expected Him to. 

I'll leave you with these words from James chapter 1:

 "¹⁶ Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ¹⁸ He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created."              

Unrequited Love

As I stood in church one morning, I silently prayed that God would allow me to know him more. Two words came to the forefront of my mind… unrequited love.

It’s the topic of many a movie, book or play. Unrequited love is arguably the worst feeling in the world. It can bring with it even severe physical pain. Anyone who has been there can testify that in the moment, it feels as though your heart may never feel peace again.

Paul’s prayer in Philippians 3:10 reads, “I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” I wonder if this human experience of unrequited love is a glimpse into God’s heart and answer to a prayer such as this.

Scripture parallels the relationship between Christ and His church with that of a bride and bridegroom. God has written the perfect love story between Himself and each and every one of us and he is simply waiting on us to reciprocate. We’ve done not one thing to deserve it, yet he loves us still. Romans 5:6 - 5:8 tells us, “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

This brings me back around to my silent dialogue with God that morning. I started to think about the way that my actions hurt the heart of God, a heart that loves me so much that He sacrificed His own son for me. In that moment, God delivered a song into my heart. I would love to share some of the lyrics.

Unrequited love
You gave unselfishly
Spoken from above
A love song just for me
You’ve loved me from afar, my heart so willing to forsake it.
You broke my heart so I could see that you’re the one who made it.
In spite of me
Your love came free

I left you at the altar
Standing amongst the crowd
I left you holding your hopes and your dreams
My heart just would not allow
You had every right to leave
But you waited for me

What is worship?

I find myself tangled up in this question over and over again. We've all heard comments like "Worship wasn't very good today." or "Worship was amazing this morning." We may have even been guilty of making these comments ourselves. I know I have. Comments like this may lead us to believe that worship is this thing, apart from us as human beings, for which there is a very human litmus test: If you have an emotional reaction, you have worshiped, and if you do not, you have not.

We are always brought back to the question at hand: What is worship? Is it a song? Is it a feeling? Is it an action? It can be all of these things in part. I find it particularly interesting to investigate the word/s in scripture from which we derive this word “worship.” Both the Hebrew and Greek words mean to bow or prostrate oneself before another. The Greek word is derived from a word that means to kiss one’s hand as a dog licks his master. It implies a complete submission to our Lord and God.

Enough with words though. Where God reveals true meaning to me is through reflections in my human relationships. I have been married for almost four years and like anyone that is married, I can tell you that love is an action carried out daily in marriage. It is not contingent upon emotion or even the other person’s actions. Love is a product of true intimacy. Love grows in sharing in one another’s victories and hardships, and one another’s triumphs and tears. That’s why I find it interesting that the physical act of a man and wife coming together is referred to as “making love.” Hear me out. I’m not going to get weird. I just want to examine that label. It suggests that through that act, love is born or made.

We all understand on a cognitive level that love and/ or intimacy cannot be achieved through the physical act of “making love.” However, many a man or woman has been led astray by the emotional response resulting from this act, even when no level of intimacy previously existed. This is because as humans, we allow our emotional reactions to mask truth. If we feel it, it must be true. This is not to say that the act of “making love” cannot be a true expression of love within a marriage. It is an integral part of a healthy marriage and is an outward expression of intimacy built over time. At the same time, without that intimacy and love, the act itself is empty and shallow.

As I have prayed and searched my heart for the true meaning of worship, God revealed this parallel to me. As I said before, our human portraits of worship show it in part, but true worship is the love and obedience that is behind any outward response. What we say, do, and sing on Sunday mornings is a reaction to the intimacy that God allows us to build with him over time. Without the existence of true intimacy and relationship with God, and without our humble submission to Him, these acts, in and of themselves, are empty.

Is that to say that any emotional response is futile? No. God made our hearts and there are times that he reaches us through our emotional vulnerability. There will be certain songs to which you have a stronger emotional reaction, and that is alright. God connects with us in many different ways. The important thing to remember is that God does not change, regardless of the set list on Sunday, and neither does true worship.