Isn’t the Word of God
amazing! There are always new ideas and truths
to be found. As I have been reading through
the book of Acts, I have been intrigued with nuances in scripture that reveal
details to us, such as when the pronouns used in the book of Acts bounce back
and forth between “he and they,” and “we,” suggesting that Luke was present for
certain parts of Paul’s ministry, but not for others. One verse that has really challenged me is
Acts 13:48, which reads, “When the Gentiles heard this, they
were glad and honored the word of the Lord; and all who were appointed for
eternal life believed.” All who
were appointed… Hmm, this verse caused me to revisit certain theological truths
that I thought I had settled in my heart.
That, however, is a discussion for another time. Today, I want to talk about conflict.
One thing that has always had the potential to
damage or even destroy families, relationships, ministries, and even churches
is conflict. Conflict alone is inevitable,
but the way with which this conflict is dealt determines whether there is a
positive or negative outcome. We have
all been there, whether in a family relationship, a friendship, or as a member
of a church. Someone has said or done
something that you do not agree with.
Most times, the first action that you take will determine the course of
events, whether helpful or hurtful.
As a woman, I know that most times, before I
pray, or talk to the person, I seek not the advice and wisdom of others, but
confirmation that I am right. I find a
yes man to rile me up and tell me that it is ok to be mad and that I should do
something about it. I think it is safe
to say that we have all been there. Who
doesn’t like to feel justified? Who
doesn’t like to hear the words, “You’re right.”? Though men find themselves in this situation
at times, I know that as a woman, these situations can be detrimental to
conflict resolution on both sides.
Ladies, if you have a problem with your
husband, your sister, your boss, your pastor or your great-aunts third cousin
once removed, pray before you talk to anyone!
I could have avoided so many long, drawn-out battles in my life if I had
just done this. This may prove difficult
for those of you that are like myself and just need to “vent” to relieve some
of that pressure that makes your head feel as though it may explode. Vent to God.
He knows your thoughts anyway.
You might as well put them into words.
Most times, the next action, if there needs to be one, is to talk to the
person with which there is a conflict.
At this point in the process, this person may not even know that you
have been hurt or offended at his or her hand.
Now, ladies on the other side of
these “venting” sessions, you may be tempted to fuel the fire with personal
stories, especially if the conflict strikes a chord in your heart because you
have dealt with it in the past. I’ve been
there too. Old emotions are dredged up
and you suddenly feel as though you are hearing a speech from William Wallace in
Braveheart and you are about to take the battlefield for Scottish independence. The conversation is no longer about the
person talking to you. It is about you
being right all over again. Ladies, in
this moment, if you care for the person with whom you are talking, do not make
it about you. Listen, because that is
obviously what the person needs in that moment.
Then, your next words could help this person more than you know. Ask one of two questions. If the person is a believer, ask genuinely, “Have
you prayed about this situation and asked God for advice?” Whether the answer is yes or no, offer to
pray for the person first, rather than give your own advice. I don’t mean offer to pray for them later, I
mean offer to pray for them right then and there. Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three are gathered
together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Give this person the gift of being the second
person to bring in the presence of God.
If the person is not a believer, you could always offer to pray for them,
depending on your relationship with them.
Even if you do not pray for them, your first questions should be, “Have
you spoken to the person that offended you?”
Most times the answer is “no.”
I find it interesting to look to scripture to see how conflict
was resolved by those entrusted by God to lay the foundations of His church
throughout the world. I want to look at
two situations in Acts and how they were handled.
The first situation occurs in Acts 15, when the Pharisees suggest
that all new Gentile believers must be circumcised. Paul and Barnabas could not resolve this on
their own so “The apostles and elders met to consider this
question.” After a while, Peter spoke
his peace, after which, “The whole assembly became silent as they listened to
Barnabas and Paul telling about the signs and wonders God had done among the
Gentiles through them.” They took
a break to focus on the wonders of their God, for whom they were doing all of
this. The next person to speak was
James, quoting scripture from Amos, pointing the disciples toward truth. I’m sure that everyone in the room had his
own opinion on the matter. The group as
a whole sought after God’s
wisdom. They were given a clear answer
and brought that answer to the churches.
The next situation in which there was conflict comes about in
Acts 15 as well. Paul and Barnabas had a
disagreement over who to take along with them to the towns in which they had
preached the gospel. Barnabas wanted to
take Mark, but Paul felt that it was not a good idea, based on his prior
behavior. Verses 39 – 41 go on to say, “39 They had
such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and
sailed for Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the
believers to the grace of the Lord. 41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the
churches.” I think that it is
important that scripture tells us of disagreements such as this, but more
importantly that it tells us of the resolution.
It does not say, “Paul went to Peter and Peter agreed saying, ‘You’re
right. Mark is a slacker. You shouldn’t take him anywhere.’” How often does this happen in our daily lives
though? It also doesn’t say, “Barnabas
could not believe what a horrible apostle Paul was and was turned away from the
faith because of his stubbornness.”
Scripture tells us that they each chose a partner and parted ways, each
setting out to strengthen the churches.
The mission was not lost due to the disagreement!
Too often in the church,
we allow Satan to foil our plans in God’s work due to our disagreements. “The
pews should be padded.” “We should sing
four songs instead of five.” “Drums don’t
belong in the church.” Topics like these
stir up disproportionate amounts of gossip, anger and resentment in the church
today. All the while, the mission is
falling by the wayside and Satan is rejoicing.
Paul and Barnabas disagreed, even to the point of parting ways, but they
continued to fulfill the mission of God.
One last situation that I want to take a look at has to do with
justice and revenge. Paul and Silas,
both Roman citizens, were unlawfully beaten and imprisoned for preaching the
gospel. While in jail, they sang praises
to God! That’s a whole conversation in
and of itself about what we do in the face of adversity as believers. Anyhow, an earthquake caused the shackles to
be loosed and all of the prison doors to be opened. At this point, “The
jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and
was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped.” Most people would just nod their heads and
say, “That’s about right. You should
kill yourself. You messed with God’s
plan.” But in this instance, by the Holy
Spirit alone, Paul does something surprising.
”But Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!” He cares more for the soul of that one man
than he does for his own justice.
Because of this something miraculous happens. ”The jailer called for lights, rushed in and
fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and asked, ‘Sirs, what must I
do to be saved?’” 34” The jailer brought them
into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he
had come to believe in God—he and his whole household.” What a difference in eternity because Paul
was in tune with the Spirit!
I know
that we are human. So were the
disciples. They were not always perfect,
but the times in which they looked to God and His Holy Spirit, rather than to
themselves, God’s work was accomplished to the fullest. My prayer is that each of you would seek God
first in all conflicts, as to glorify Him in all that you do.
